Plotting my course...

Ten to five-am, July 25th...Summer whizzing by, highlighted map in front of me on my console, iPod pumping out tunes, high on home made crock pot peach cobbler that cooked right here in dispatch at the beginning of the shift, trying to figure out how far Boise is from the Lolo National Forest and what there is to actually see in Montana besides Big Sky. It looks so close together on paper, the state lines aren't really that far apart, but I think they might actually be. Would it matter though? Four corners, Yellowstone, the Mile High City, the Grand Canyon, Lebanon, KS...by the end of August, I'll have 18 states to go and I'm that much closer to completing #24 from my Bucket List.

"(S)he's racing and pacing and plotting the course...she's going the distance."

In our last long conversation in May, Bev asked me "You're such an adventurer, wow do you decide where you're going next? Or do you just let the wind blow you in the direction you're supposed to go?"

I'm listening to the wind Bev, I'm letting it push me in the direction I'm supposed end up.

Dream the world. Live your dreams. Live big. Live bold. Live beautifully.

Keep your hands off my crock pot.

This is my patented "Crock-pot anti-meddling device" (c)...it is meant to prevent inteference from old men who think they know thing 1 about cooking...old men who think that when a crock pot looks "dry and crusty on top" that it is time to unplug raw meat 2 hours early and "eat a bowl with 2 tortillas".

If you call now, you can get not 1, but 2 of these revolutionary devices for the bargain price of $9.99.

As you can see, taped to the cabinets (only because I couldn't figure out how to replace the staplers in the industrial stapler), are 18 reasons why you (meaning my father) should never touch the crock pot.

Reason 18) not unless there is smoke and/or flames shooting from the crock pot, even then, this kitchen was burned down twice in my youth, the last time I had to put it out at age 12 with an extinguisher while my mother huddled against the kitchen door screaming bloody murder. I think we've already had our run on kitchen fires.

This is literally the means I have to go to, to get a message across to anyone about anything in this house....the day when I have to wake up and damn near instantly go and find the spray paint and a scrap piece of wood on the side of the house, and more than 1 door gets slammed in a row...it is NOT a good day.

Yeah, I lost it a little bit today.

Summertime, graveyard shift, semi sick over the weekend, and just plain sick of having everything constantly messed with pushed me over the edge. You live with your disabled senior citizen father day in and day out and tell me how you manage to cope with it. He's not cute all the time. It's funny now but in the haze of spray paint fumes at 245pm with sleep dust still in my eyes and anger boiling through my veins, the funny was still in it's own crock pot.

Lesson of the day: don't mess with a sleeping woman's crock pot.

Dream the world! Live your dreams!

Beverley “Bev” Kaye Stehli
July 23, 1942 - July 5, 2010

Nearly 2 months ago, I meant to post this picture and write about my day with dear friend and mother-figure Bev, but I didn't. Other than the business of life, I don't know why I didn't. Subconciously, I suspect it was because she said something about her hair in the picture and I figured I would just hang on to the picture until the time was right. I'm so glad I took that warm day in May to go and see her.

Yellow, that's about the right color for my last memory of Bev. Despite the cancer and the chemo, she was glowing...having a light that next to nothing could extinguish. If you've ever met or seen anyone who smiled with their eyes, you know what I mean.

She was a lady who lived big, lived bold, and lived beautifully. She is the "old" lady I want to be when I get that age who had a young spirit and true zest for life. I don't think the phrase would be wasted on her by saying she had a lust for life.

Thank you Bev for teaching, sharing, and showing me about all the beautiful things in life. I appreciate the world at broad, travel, and beauty in the little things all around because you had such passion for them. Thank you for believing in me, you really did. Thank you for always asking me how I was, where I was going, what I had seen, how my family was, and reminding me to slow down and not work so much. Thank you for taking hula lessons with me on my maiden trip to Hawaii, for introducing me to the lagoons at Ko'Olina, for complimenting my passion for photography when it was in its infancy, for feeding my love of art through scrapbooking and sending me all those little treasures over the years to add to my growing hobby, for remembering me every Christmas in one way or the other, thank you for your laugh...oh your laugh that I will remember always, for your smile, for your hugs, for adopting me for so many family meals and vacations.

In an email dated this February 15th, she announced her big adventure to all her friends and family. Titled "My Big Adventure" it was the announcment that the cancer that had been so sneakily gone for 5 years, had metastecized to her brain. As was Bev, her email started by asking how everyone else was.

Dear Beloved Friends and Family,
How are you all doing? Hope that 2010’s challenges and obstacles are few and easily manageable. Be sure to celebrate each day….whatever it brings!

I am really, truly going to miss you and I am finding it hard to believe that you are gone. I'm am a better person for having known you and I will not forget you. I will remember you in sunsets, the ocean, beautiful Hawaiian melodies, and in all things purple.

As I was leaving that day, somewhere inside, I knew it was the last time I would see her. I have her a series of hugs and a kiss on the cheek. One of those kisses I used to give my grandmother, the same ones that I drop on my 90 year old Uncle Pete everytime I see him. I didn't see Bev a lot, but she would send the occasional email and it was comforting knowing that she was there, just a postcard away.

Her obituary, so perfectly written by her family, simply ended like this:
Dream the world! Live your dreams!

lights, camera, tattoo

That's right...I did it. The tattoo has arrived. Nothing over the top or super symbolic. Just something pretty that I saw on a piece of scrapbook paper. But, ah-ha, I am a scrapbooker through and through, so it is me and it's just the beginning. I was itching for more ink before I made it to the parking lot. Soon there will be another...mark my words!!!

MIA blogger

Have you seen her? I saw her reflection in the mirror, but I didn't recognize her. She's got bags under her eyes and she's gained 10 pounds. Maybe she'll reappear next week when she goes camping and leaves work, errands, needy family, and all else behind. Look for her reappearance soon...it will be EPIC!

Forgiveness

"Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon."
~ Invictus

Birthday

I'm 1:40 mins away from 29 and I don't have anything astute to say. Nothing earth shattering or uber reflective. I didn't have an epiphany when I woke up this morning, but that might be because I didn't go to bed last night, again for about the 8th time in the last 2 weeks. Sleep is fleeting, health is less than dazzling, frustration is epic, I'm restless, I'm tired, and I'm looking for definition. Not A definition, not the definition, but some definition.

I think I have that tattoo figured out, but that's about it.

Ready or not, 29, here I come.