Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Police line do not cross

I'm tired of dealing with selfish people. My bullshit tolerance is maxed out. At the same time the selfish people continue to prove my point that they are the ones who seem to get the furthest in life. Like living in blissful ignorance. If you're truly that selfish, you just don't see how your ridiculous behavior effects those around you so you can go about your life completely uneffected by the fact that you're pissing on people. Ok, yes, eventually they get theirs, but it still pisses me off to no end that anyone who lacks the heart to give unwillingly to a cause or someone else gets any kind of good karma their way - temporarily or not. Does that make me a selfish person for thinking that?

I found myself in an awkward spot tonight. I last minute volunteered for a police event at a restaurant and found myself more willing to approach those people who looked more "cop-friendly" and trying to find a way to avoid the ones who looked like they weren't. Who am I to judge who I should approach in the name of charity? It wasn't a charity for cops afterall. It was a charity for two little girls with a fatal disease that currently has no cure or funding. End of story - it had nothing to do with me or what people thought of how I earned a living. On top of that, I've known this family for a long time and consider them an extension of my family in a way. So at some point real quick, I just had to suck it up and just talk to all the people who came in for dinner. Of course, the ones who seemed the most unapprochable and uptight were the ones who were the most appreciative of what we were doing and gave the most.

It was proven to be a ridiculously hard thing to do to walk 45+ miles in the name of someone you never met, but I've never seen such determined people as I did in my work family this Sunday. That is a bit of an extreme example, but none the less, it takes just as much courage for some people to approach a stranger.

Really, it's hard putting yourself out there, outside of your safe zone, but how are you ever going to get anywhere if you don't wander out from the confines of what you already know? I don't have a lot of fears about life, but I guess I can say that I have a concern that I'll stop growing and turn into one of those people who's afraid to try something new and gets stuck in a rut. I'm afraid of being understimulated and stuck being a person who can't figure out how to evolve. You know that feeling you get when you take a risk on something or finally speak your mind or do something that just was the right thing to do? I'm afraid of losing the ability to feel that. That compliment that I got taped to my locker that one night..."be fearless". I'm afraid of loosing that.

Just a girl with her guitar

Somewhere in my Unisom and 800mg ibuprofen haze on yet another flight home, halfway lulled asleep by my ipod, Sister Hazel’s “Erin” came on and I forced myself to record in some conscious part of my brain to buy an acoustic guitar. I actually told myself to do it and do it soon. The subject of me and the drive to adopt a musical talent came up sometime in the last 10 days on a highway between Ohio and Michigan. I couldn’t tell you where exactly - I guess between Sacramento, Detriot, Jackson, Cleveland, Crocker Park, Ann Arbor, Indiana, Chicago, Schaumberg, and Oakland the mileage has started to blur. Marlena is great at posing though-provoking and soul-seach worthy questions on the spot at 70MPH. Somewhere during a brief break in my constant car karaoke, she asked me what are the things I want to accomplish in life before I get old. My bucket list. It took me a few seconds to gather my thoughts and then I started to see the list in my head and remembered that I had created a list a few years back at Sure enough, I’ve managed to accomplish a few of those things, but there are still the constants that remain. Learn to play the guitar is one of them. I want to stop making lists and start making more check marks. This may be the first step towards my constant threat of vagabonery and less than full time employement all in the name of creative genius and the love of music, but I think it would do my soul some good to just be a girl with her guitar.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

So right now I'm in Seat 10A
………and 10B
………and 10C
.........a coach class frequent flyer’s #1 wish.

It’s a scene right out of my comfortably chaotic, multitasked, overstimulated existence. It’s like my dashboard at work and the rooms in my house. Both armrests in the middle of the seats sitting cockeyed at different angels, two of the three trays tables folded down, a book and an ipod strew about the seats, the sounds of feverish typing and fervent backspacing barely audible over the loud hum of the jet engines, all accented by a couple of metallic bags of those airline peanuts and a draped thin lens cloth quality piece of fabric called an airline blanket. I wondered today how many days in total I have accumulated just sitting in transit, and then I think, who cares? It’s not wasted time. I’ve done a lot of thinking at boarding gates and train stations all over this world…and I’ve done a lot of people watching too. Today, I was the one that was the watched. Mostly because of my t-shirt bearing big black badge on my chest with the name Bradley Moody – Always Remembered and “Richmond Police K-9” emblazed across the back in big white and red letters. The TSA agent noticed the badge right away as I walked through the security check point and asked if I was a K-9 officer and motioned somewhere close in the area of Chicago.. “No, actually I’m a dispatcher in California”…and I paused for just a second before I said “but you know, some how were all kind of the same from here to there, you know?’ She got it and gave me a big smile, a pat on the back, and wish for a safe flight home.

I sleep irregularly on a regular basis, and even less when I travel so I’m usually running on fumes by the time I board. I couldn’t afford to not at least get a little shut eye today because when I land, I have to lace up my walking shoes and get to steppin’. I’m not sure on how many miles yet, but I have a guess that it will be 10 to 15. My heart tells me I can but my feet and my aching back tells me I can’t. Step Confidently Ahead. While I’m flying thousands of feet in the clouds somewhere between Chicago and home, one of the greatest projects I’ve ever had the chance to get involved in started on the ground at 3am this morning. I wasn’t going to be in town for this at all, but I couldn’t miss this one. Not after all the hard work and heart that’s been poured into this. I changed my flight and got up before the sun to get to the airport so I can meet my comrades somewhere along the pavement in Contra Costa County this afternoon. Two of the greatest guys that I know and work with came up with the idea to walk from Vacaville to Oakland to raise money for the trust funds of the officer’s children. Slowly over the last few weeks it’s gained its momentum; the papers picked up on it, citizens have taken note and called to see how they could participate, other officers, firefighter, and dispatchers from all over the Bay Area have given us their support and will be joining us along the way. A loss of one of us is a loss for all of us…but in the midst of senseless tragedy, our effort to show that we’re united and that we won’t forget is something that we can bring to life. From day one and hour one of planning, over coffee downtown, that was the attitude. We can’t do much, but we can do this.

My brother the Police Academy Grad is meeting me at the airport and he is going to walk with me. I don’t do much with either of my siblings and I always regret that we don’t do more. Having him share this with me is great. He needs to be part of this if he’s ever to understand the great responsibility and honor that there is in the oath he wants to take. Being an officer is bigger than a badge and a paycheck. It’s standing straight, holding your head high, and stepping confidently ahead shoulder to shoulder with all those other men and women who have sworn to do the same.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Just a thought

We're not all as put together as we would like to think that we are. Do you ever look at someone you like and wonder why you do? It's late and I'm pretty much just rambling about nonsense right now, but still, you NEVER really know the people you think you know. What a scary thought.

First born

Right now, I'm just sarcastic. Shocking? Yeah, no. I called ATT and they told me in no uncertian terms that it would cost me $399 to replace my original $99 refurbished iphone. Makes you want to slap your grandma! Might as well ask me to name my first born ATT. The hell I will be forking over that kind of money for a phone, let alone a replacement. Now, I'm mad and the chocolate phone dive incident of 2009 isn't a laughing matter anymore. Options? Iphone technical rescue or find a new one on Ebay. Neither is going to be under the $200 mark, which is what a BRAND new iphone 3G 8GB costs the rest of the world, but a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. I love that phone like a fat kid loves cake. Saga to continue...

On the topic of babies, I got a bug today in Target while shopping for a baby shower. Can they make kid's clothes any cuter? I mean many fashionistas do you know that shit in their pants and vomit on themselves? But kids gotta look cute too. I got the baby bug. Oh, biological clock, tick on, tick on. Houston we have a problem. Problem #1, finding someone who is a) not only good, permanent company but b) worthy of recreation. Hmm...think that viewpoint is a little bit of a problem? Maybe, slightly, yes. Note to self: work on that. They're not all bad. Now I understand what my late 30-something, former BFF always meant when she said she had to get her "baby-fix". Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock...

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Today I...

woke up at 4pm (Eastern time), dropped my new iphone into a mug of hot chocolate, ate pasta linguine for breakfast at 5pm, played Guitar Hero until my left middle finger (AKA the red chord) went numb, didn't shower or change out of my pj's, watched PS I Love You, accidentally flung salad across the kitchen, surfed the 'net for accredited online business colleges, dropped the oatmeal into the burner and then lit it on fire making tea which was right before I dropped the peanut butter out of the cubbard on top of a glass full of diet dr pepper which exploded and then flew across the newly cleaned kitchen floor. It's midnight, burnt oats fill the air, my stomach is growling for dinner, and butter fingery fear is keeping me locked down to the couch in fear of electrocution and impalment.

I was having a love affair with my iphone and three weeks later, it's dead, sitting in a chocolate scented ziplock bag on the fire place mantle . Par for the course. Could have been a man for that matter.

I should have just stayed in bed.

Saturday, April 18, 2009


Here's a thought that ran through my head. Was gonna just keep it as a draft, but what the hell. This is my blog right? I can say whatever I want.

Came across Ray LaMontagne on XM at Aunt Liz's last month - reinforced at home a few weeks later with the new cable music channels - happened upon him in person in Cleveland which was also on a whim and almost didn't happen - so impressed with the show you write a blog and in looking for a picture to post with said blog, stumble upon one attached to a blog written by a guy named "JD" - who you happened to chat out of the blue tonight just because. Ever get the thought that the world is just connected by one big string? Really...if it is, why are we so intimidated and unable to approach each other? Seems like we're all connected.

Shiner Bock & Ray La Montagne

It's a well known fact that I live for great music. Between Pandora and XM, I'm becoming part of more and more fan bases ever-ree-day. My new favorite channel is Coffeehouse and my new favorite artist in the last few weeks is Ray Lamontagne, his voice is intoxicating. Apparently I missed the boat on this one as I'm one of the last music lovers to catch on to this gem of a singer. I just happened to look for things happening at Playhouse Square in downtown Cleveland tonight and got last minute tickets for his show. Conicidence? I think not. I think the music gods had this planned out all along. I mean really, what are the chances I would be in Cleveland on a whim when he was at the State Theatre.

From our seats, he looked like a skinny version of Kenny Loggins circa 1970's, plaid shirt and all. I actually think that he might have been fast-forwarded about 30+ years ahead of his time. Describe his sound? Well, you really have to hear it to understand. He's got this sweet raspy sound that reverberates off the walls. It's an older sound, something you'd hear in the blues clubs after the turn of the century. There's some kind of conviction in his voice that comes from somewhere deep inside, but then just when you least expect it, the quietness of his voice comes through. You would never expect such a sound to come out of a man who looks and sounds (speaking voice) so timid. I got lost in a daydream down some path during "Let It Be Me." I wondered how much it would cost to hire him to sing that song at my wedding. If you are truly a fan of music, you can't help getting both lost and blown away by his sound and the thoughts in his lyrics. Truly one of the most amazing voices I've ever heard.

After the show, it was perfect - low 60's, calm, clear. We wandered down the street towards the bars and live music cafes like fireflys attracted to the light; which really wasn't hard since the pub crawl was a lighted alleyway filled with inebriated patrons who only served as slow motion hurdles for the lightening fast valets that shot down the alleyway like bullets. Just at the end, there it was, the live music mecca becokoned. Flannery's. Imagine it. Corner pub, mahogany and brass bar, filled with the sounds of more live rockin' blues and drunken bar chatter. This is a place I could get comfy in. We just sat for about 3 hours and drank and talked about all kinds of shit that old friends talk about. It's been a while since I last had a long sit down with a good beer but me and a few brown bottles of Shiner Bock got right to it. I forgot how preachy I can get with a few beers in me...yeah, imagine that right?

What a great night. Cleveland really does rock!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Look towards the sun

Somewhere back in the beginnings of my blogging, I planted some sunflowers and last week they arrived! Well one at least. I'm having quadruplets. The other three are still hatching I guess. I love sunflowers. Always have. I used to paint them, pick them from fields, put them in vases all over the house. I even had a sunflower dress that I used to always wear to church. There are fields of them just outside of the city limits and when you catch the day just right, you can see them all turned towards the sun in rows like soldiers at attention just soaking up the last of the rays left before dusk. I gotta get out and photog that soon.

I think they're bright, beautiful, and strong. You can see it with this one in my window. How it stretches and reaches for the sun during the day - it's pratically kissing the window. There's something that's just simply admirable about this little flower.

Cleveland Rocks! (Ohio, Ohio, Ohio...)

I'm in downtown Cleveland for the second night in a row. It took 8 hours to get 3 hours away from our starting point..stopping for more shopping en route just couldn't be avoided but we finally made it. Gizmo central made for a good trip no matter what - can't get too turned around with the GPS and even when you do, the tunes will carry you until you get back on track. Somewhere in Michigan just before getting on the Dixie Highway to Ohio, we missed a turn on a two-lane road and the u-turn in the gravel driveway gave me just enough time to get this shot. I think I was out of the car before it came to a complete stop. Amazing what a flash can do to the colors too...look at the difference.

Today I was a makeup artist at THE Rock & Roll hall of fame.
"Say what?" I know...right!? Yeah, the randomness. Well here there and over there, this person saw my makeup friend and they knew someone who knew someone and next thing you know, we're all back in the converted conference room putting false lashes on Vegas show girls, gem-stoning the butterfly lady, and painting red lips on the apple tree model. It was a flurry of teased hair, bobby pins, makeup brushes, pigment dust, and palettes with every color you could imagine.

What a change of pace (well not really, the craziness was still there) from my real job. The air was full of creative energy and fun...and a shitload of aerosole. Really, come on now. Makeup and Rock & Roll. I'm there. The girl who sent the invite said it was "nomadic" to drive a few hours away for a show like that. Is it really? Is it chancey (new word) and adventurous to do something like that? I say go, see, and do anything that you can. Like today for instance - I met some really cool, nice, welcoming people, got to be behind the scenes at one of the coolest museums I've ever been in, and saw up close and personal the iconic things like Michael Jackson's Thriller jacket, Madonna's college letters - she has bubbly handwriting, and Bob Marley's handwritten notepaper lyrics for Turn Your Lights Down Low.
One of the most impressive things about the museum was how historically it showed the contributions made by musicians from all genres to the sounds of "today's" Rock & Roll. Really, that rebellious, free sound of Rock started back with the same rebellious beat that once condemned Gospel music. It's just another example of how music can span personal tastes and generations.
Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. ~Berthold Auerbach
Can I get an Amen? Amen.

Monday, April 13, 2009

A book cover

I saw this blurb of some kind of inspiring story out of Britian. I've never been disappointed with the clips from "Britian's Got Talent." They really do. You have to see this performance to see what I mean.

We judge each other and ourselves by what we have accomplished in life, how much we have, material things, beauty, all the things that we can see from the outside, and we somehow think that we have the right to have an opinion about everyone despite the addage that you can never judge a book by it's cover. This woman has never been kissed and she's 47. Do you think that a good majority of people would question her validity as an accomplished person who has something to offer to the world because she's never been kissed at her age? I do. I think that people would think she might be a loser. In fact, you can see the doubt and judgement on the faces of the audience before the first note is played.

During her pre-interview she said that she had always wanted to sing in front of a large audience. She said "I'm gonna make that audience rock" and she did. She blew them out of their seats and on to their feet. I love it. I love her spirit. Who said that anyone can ever keep you down?

Stunned. Just absolutely taken aback. And then to add the spirit of the song to the scene - I Dreamed a Dream. Its just absolutley inspiring and thank God for people like Susan who just go for it despite what anyone else might think. You rock Susan!!!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Gimme, gimme!

I am watching Untamed Heart. This is such a sweet movie. I remember watching it when I was a kid and balwing my eyes out at the end. Christian Slater played such a weird, sweet, strange, lovable character. Back then, I actually used to believe that the things in movies might actually happen in person. Maybe I've just had a dose of reality since then. Or.....I just stopped dreaming outside of the lines. I think it's good to watch the movies that remind you of your childhood. They remind me to keep dreaming.

I went to the circus tonight. Literally and figuratively. I saw Britney Spears...oooh, what a sight. Yeah, looking at that admission in writing makes me want to start concocting my defense. Not a show I ever saw myself spending money on, but after seeing Madonna last year, I had to see if her predacessor could even come close to the hype. Not. Even. Actually, tonight wasn't a bad show. It was entertaining, the seats were good, and the company was great as usual. I've been to a lot of concerts and seen a lot of talent. This girl, on the other hand, ooooh girl....even with as much as I was rooting for her to regain her sanity, managed to corner the market on sparkling mediocrity. She might have been a powerhouse once upon a time, but she sure the hell seemed medicated tonight. The trainwreck simply didn't disappoint. Gimme me a beat and a little bit of room and I could shake my booty and pop my hips with more conviction and interest than Ms. Spears. It's just plain disapointing to watch someone do something that it seems like they just don't love to do and I paid for it. What it must be like to be a superstar with that much attention. I won't lie...I'd like to see what it must be like in her shoes for just one day. How's that for daydreaming?

It is less than a compliment when your troupe of dancers steal the spotlight. Dancers have my utmost attention. I tend to think that if I could rewrite some childhood focus, I would have stayed in those dance classes I took when I was young. I think that I would have loved to be a dancer. One of those floating free spirits who lives the majority of the days in odd layers of breathable fabrics practicing my moves in every inch of free space I could find.

Hmm...what a night. I guess it's on to the next adventure. What next, what next...

Sunday, April 5, 2009

A Sunday kind of Saturday

I think that Sundays are my favorite days right now. Sundays are my first day off after the end of the week. I sleep in until it's ridiculously late. I don't usually change out of my pj's or wash my hair. Most Sundays I don't even leave the house.

Right now, it's sunny and nice out side, the curtains are pulled back, the windows are cracked, there's not the usual constant drone of cars driving by. Everyone else in the house is napping or watching TV. It's quiet except for Allison Krauss coming from the internet radio on my iphone. It's not only radio, it's custom radio. I can listen to whatever I want, whenever I want. How could I have gone this long without a radioo-phone?! Seriously.

This actually feels like my second Sunday in a row. Yesterday was a Sunday kind of Saturday. We had a surprise birthday pajama party. We ate good food, listened to good music, caught up on life, and cut up exactly 14 custom cupcakes in 1/4's and proceeded to slip slowly off into a sugar coma. It was a panorama of pastries. These were no ordinary cupcakes - there was red velvet, pink champagne, irish car bomb, boston cream pie, snickerdoodle, carrot was almost sinful. Post-coma, I laid on the couch with the "little" girls afterwards and and then I sat at the table and drank tea with the "big" girls. What a good Sunday kind of Saturday.

Hmmm...I hear the to-do list starting to call my name again. I guess it's time to turn the music louder.