Sunday, January 17, 2010
Mud Flap - picture portrait of my Sunday
I don't think I've ever heard a bad Keith Urban song. I love his voice, I love his lyrics...Raining on Sunday is one of my favorites.
Well, Keith Urban was not singing about today. If there was a song written about my rainy Sunday today, it would have been written by Phoebe from FRIENDS.
I love Sundays, they're the beginning of my weekend. I don't wake up until late in the afternoon, I light all the smelly good candles and laze about the house in my pajamas and catch up on all my recordings from the week.
Somewhere in the middle of the Golden Globes recap as I was oogling some skinny Hollywood starlet's dress, I caught the whiff of wet mud. Now mind you, as I laid comatose on the couch barely awake as the dog ran around in circles like the crazy bat she is, it didn't occur to me that she had been gallopping in the mud bog in my backyard like a gazelle on the Plains.
It was by the sheer grace of God and St. Francis of Assisi, patron saint of animals, that my sister was home tonight...I can only imagine all the explatives that would have been texted about her 85 lb wanna be lap dog's continuing destruction of my humble abode.
As I dragged my near lifeless body up from the couch and set foot on the living room floor, the visual of the smell hit me. MUD. EVERYWHERE. A pathway that lead from one room to the next, connecting the entire house paw print by paw print. Mind you for a good, solid 20 minutes, the dog ran past my father who was too glued to the 24 premier playing at volume 50 to even notice our house being turned into a mudslide.
Finally clued in to the commotion, after I went through turning on all the lights in the house and yelling something about the dog pound he said:
"Aaaaahhhhhhhwwww!!! What is all this!? I'll get the swifter and clean it up."
It's not a swifter, it's a swiffer.
"What? Swiffer? What kind of name is that? Do you clean with it or do you dance with it? Who names these things, Mary Poppins?"
"Are you sure we don't have more than one dog? This is a lot of mess."
BUSTED!!! Emma "Mud Flap" Coughlan
Winking is not going to get you out of this, dog!