Monday, October 17, 2011

Big ol'...

Well, it's only been a week and perhaps in that week, I have found myself without tears. It's Monday night, I think it's time to tear up randomly about something. Ok, it's not random. None of this is random.

My door turned out to be a window.
My good intentions backfired again.
Alcohol and the truth have fatal consequences to friendship but sometimes there's just no need for recussitation.
I feel like a doormat.
"Crop" and "unfriend" are apparently the worst things you can do in this day and age.
Some parents have no sense of humor.
I love taking pictures of happy people, couples especially, but somehow I almost feel unqualified to tell them how to look at each other. (I know, I barely want to say that outloud, but I do feel like that sometimes).
It's another night in this house alone.
Online dating profiles make my head hurt.
I think I gained a couple of pounds.
Online dating profiles make my knee hurt.
My knee hurts and I can't go to bootcamp again until it stops.
Tomorrow is my last day off.
I'm definitely dehydrated.
The universe saw me.
I'm not that girl anymore even if I stayed all night.
I'm frustrated.
I don't get it.
I'm a catch.
I know that.
Some people just can't be saved from themselves no matter how much you love them.
I have a copy of He's Just Not That Into You on my bathroom counter and then I have a copy of What Men Really Want lying on the empty spot on my bed. Yeah, laugh, don't cry...that is pretty funny.
It occured to me that I want someone who is just on my team so that when this list starts to grow like it is today, someone can just say to me: it's ok, this too shall pass, I'm always there for you, to the end. 150%, madly, truly, deeply, undeniably Team Lauren no matter what kind of ridiculous bullshit it's about. Life IS a fight and we should all be so lucky to have someone in our corner no matter what.
I have this sinking suspicion that really genuine happiness is just around the corner, right out of reach, and I really, really, really want to just be there already. I've waited patiently for a long, long time.

(big sigh)...(big alligator tears)...(big ol' heart of mine)...(be a big girl)...(big girls don't cry)...


  1. Oh don't get it wrong: big girls do cry, because they have a lot of reasons to do so, so why wouldn't they?

  2. so funny. i thought the exact same thing as the muse ... big girls do cry! that's how they get big. too "you", soooo you. perfectly you.

    if men were women, we'd all be madly in love, our children and us would have senses of humor, the school system would fail, capitalism would be considered racist, and life would be a beautiful disaster. all the time.

    i love this. woman!

  3. oh big girls do cry...this one does, i just want to quell the frequency of it...i'm getting better about it