Tuesday, May 15, 2012

burn brightly

I've had a train of connected thoughts for the last two nights:

thinking that life...its like a flame flickering...
a beautiful girl with a contagious smile and a sweet spirit was like a burning candle
burning fragile, swaying with the wind, being blown with the breeze, but still burning steadfast, fueled by love, enough that despite the hard gust of a disease that tried to extinguish her in so many ways, she was able to carry on  for so long

now it feels like it's gone dark...

all black

but then...I think not to dwell on what is gone now but what was there all along
despite the darkness of the disease that tried to define her, she brought a Light into an existence that was both short and long in its life

there was warmth
there was a constant glow
and it was, undoubtedly, a constant
her presence alone was a guide and a reminder
she was innocence, joy, gentle calm
being around her was a reminder about the duality of life
the strength of the human spirit overcoming the weakness of the human body

there are no words to take away the hurt and the pain but still I find myself looking for something to say that will bring comfort to the family that she leaves behind

what could I possibly say?

another string of thoughts came to me as I stared into my work screen, silently with my back to my partners and the phones, streams of tears sliding down my cheeks

it came to me that for all these years, through blindness, through loss of mobility, through incomprehensible speech, you all watched over her, cared for her, saw what she couldn’t see, guided her, carried her,  lifted her, held her up...

now it's her turn

what she couldn't do for herself, she can now do for all from Above

she is watching over you all, all of you, all at once, every where you go, through new, clear eyes, guiding you, carrying you, comforting you, holding you up

she is every where around you

she will never be gone

she is part of you

her light still burns brightly
it will never be extinguished

...it burns now inside each of you

call it pain, grief, loss, anger, hurt

call it love

that feeling in your chest, in the pit of your stomach

that constant feeling, is her spirit still burning inside each you

a quote on grief jumped out off the page at me, from a woman who became impaired as a young child, lost was her speech and her sight, but not her ability to effect the world around, to inspire and to leave a lasting legacy

What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.
- Helen Keller


  1. i love this. i feel like i knew her from your writings. your passion and heartfelt words have shared her story with so many. you're amazing. death and pain is certainly hard, but it can bring out some of our biggest strengths.