Friday, November 20, 2009

Meet the Girls

Otherwise known as, Lauren does yoga.

The class requirements are very minimal:

pay the fee
sign the the waiver
bring your own mat
wear comfortable clothing

In the last couple of weeks, I've stretched my chi, found my balance, and learned about the asanas. I've posed like a dog, a cat, a cow, and a serpent, but not a camel. Apparently, that's for the advanced class...oh, how I can't wait.

Yoga is so the opposite of me. It's calm, balanced, and routine. I don't love it and I don't hate it. The teacher is the epitome of yoga teachers. She is petite and bubbly, she can hold her body up bent like a pretezel on one arm, and she breaths like Darth Vader.

My favorite part of the class is the beginning stretch and the ending stretch. Who would not want to calmly sit cross legged in a slightly warmish room with such soothing instructions, "find your place of calm, a place of safety, let your thoughts wander to the physical realm, feel spots of tension, and release them."

Well, apparently, my physical realm took that too seriously. As we sat like Indians and centered ourselves, rocking our hips to a more balanced place on the mat, listening to soft chants and faint bells tolling, I happened to open my eyes just slightly with my head bent down to notice...half an aeriola hanging out of my comfort clothing. The method to my dressing madness was that a stretchable tube top under my tank top would be better suited than a constricting sports bra. Uhhh, think again.

Luckily, everyone else was in their place of calm (probably hoping that they wouldn't fart or queef when we launced into downward-dog-seprent-half-sun-docked-boat pose) and didn't notice that I was half nude sitting in the room.

*Big Sigh*

Prayer for enlightment:



Lead us from darkness to light
From ignorance to truth
And from death to eternity
Let peace prevail everywhere

(unspoken) Let Lauren's breasts not hang out in the rec room at the downtown senior center on Thursday nights


  1. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I needed that good laugh today like you wouldn't believe- thank you :)

    I can actually picture all this in yoga class without surprise as some things just only happen to Lauren...


  2. i got kicked out of yoga for laughing at the part where two girls fart everytime.