Friday, March 26, 2010

(insert evil look)

Today is a rotten day. I didn't get enough sleep, I woke up exhausted, running late for lunch a county away and not giving a damn about going to work. On my way out of the door, the straw that broke and then continued to beat the camel's back was again (AGAIN!!!) the dog hair and dander covering the couch and the handmade blanket I got at Christmas, and this is not even to mention the violent bird massacre in the garage that left feathers, a half eaten carcass, and a fat, happy cat lounging uneffected by the scene around it. As if that wasn't enough for the 11am hour, the cherry on top was the hurry up and wait update from the city council about co-workers layoffs and the never-ending political game that we call a public service career...the call never came. Limbo is the current state of events.

On my way across town, I contemplated calling in sick but couldn't justify it to myself since I JUST got back from Hawaii and I only have a 3-day work week. Mental health or not, I just couldn't bail on my team on a Friday.

After picking up my lunch date an hour late, I managed to merge on the the wrong I-80 in Sacramento, a city that I ALWAYS get lost in despite the live GPS directions that had me on the way to Lake Tahoe, which in most circumstances wouldn't be a bad idea except that I was trying to make it to the Sacramento Hard Rock Cafe's last day of business, eat, and go directly home for 12 hours of Spring Break Friday night joy, AKA, a shitload of calls for service. After landing in East Sacramento, 2 GPS units now, and another 25 minutes driving in circles, I found our restaurant and the parking garage right next to it. Remember how much I love my boyfriend? Well, as much as I do, I forget that he' is 6'8" and not the 6' 4" which caused me to nearly rip the entire roof off of him as I drove down into the bowels of the parking garage after some busybody insisted that I had enough clearance to proceed forward. Yeah, I almost ripped the top of my $50,000 car on the suckiest day ever...shut the F up busybody.

Over my Cobb Salad and being the worst lunch date ever (sorry Kelly), I actually uttered the words "today won't be a successful day unless someone shit's their pants in fear." I was done and yes, I was completley that kind of pissed off. Not a good place to be, yet I keep finding myself there. I keep considering my overall attitude in life being more than less bitchy and I just can't figure what lesson I'm being taught right now. The justified pissedoffedness and the unjustified pissedoffedness are less distingushable these days.

I had a conversation yesterday about letting negativity win. Letting the egomaniacs across the room speak louder than the voice inside that tells me to just do what I know is right and not get caught up in it. Somewhere recently, in months, maybe years, I gave up. I know I I'm in some limbo state between regaining my composure without overinvesting and finding a happy medium that will give me enough armor to get through to the end of the day without leaving me on the wrong side of "fuck you."

So what is it? Patience? Slow down? Cheer up? Look on the bright side? Greatfulness? Be Happy? Grow up? Calm down? Get back to the middle?

I can't shake the idea of quitting and running away to some little shack on the beach on an island with limited roadways, where my only responsibility is if the beer is cold for the customers and there's enough colored sugar to rim their glasses.



  1. I always have the bestest time with you my Jimeney! You were not a horrible lunch date! We are all entitled to having our moments! That is why I am there for you, and you are there for me..... When we just dont know what to do, to think, or just be angry! "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best" ~ Marilyn Monroe
    And just think, our adventure is soooo close, and will be a blast! Cheers to good times with unforgettable friends!

  2. "today won't be a successful day unless someone shit's their pants in fear."


    Hope your Saturday was a better day.

  3. i stopped drinking, smoking, taking my happy pills, ulcer pills, and EVERYTHING else cold turkey about 6 weeks ago. so far, this cleansing has resulted in a verbal attack on my mother (okay, i also threw a dog gate at her), the end of my relationship, and uncontrollable impulses to hit shopping carts and swear at people in line at the grocery store. BUT it has also allowed me to see the world and myself as it/i really is/am. good and bad, bitchy and happy. sane and crazy. and i can only think that you are going through the same enlightening phase. you saw the pure, unadulterated beauty of hawaii through your camera and now you are seeing the ugliness of evolution, society, and "shit". the bad times only exist so we can truly appreciate the good times. (i am NOT dr. phil i promise. i am in one of the darkest places of my life to date ... i just know that tomorrow will be a better day. it has to be.)

    plus i think people shitting their pants is hilarious.