Thursday, February 10, 2011
We could have had it all
If the thoughts in my head and the feeling in my heart were audible, it might sound like this. Soulful, full of regret & revenge, frustrated, and fucking pissed off. She's not singing like a victim though, she's singing like someone who picked her ass up off the ground after she got knocked down and now the world is going to listen to her whether or not they want to. This is the song she's singing while walking out the door of her broken dream house and tossing the match behind her. Go ahead, listen between the lines...it's a song about revenge. She's singing about fucking Karma.
Throw your soul through every open door,
Count your blessings to find what you look for,
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold,
You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you've sown.
Every word has a meaning, every note she carries all the way through even though she's probably sung this song like 80bajillion times. If I could give myself a talent, I would give myself the ability to sing like this.
I've always loved this girl's voice. She was born to sing. This is what they mean by God given talent. I respect her for being about her music and not about the industry. She seems comfortable in her skin. I've never seen her looking like Lady Gaga. She hasn't gotten caught up in the skinny bitch craze. I can't stand women who get caught up in the projected image of what society thinks they should look like or what some fucking man said to them to make them go on another crash diet. That's what makes beautiful women just pretty girls. Confidence is sexy as hell. That goes for both sexes.
I'm angry at life. I'm pissed at selfish assholes of people that are everyfuckingplace I look. I'm sick of fucking picking up after everyone, paying their bills, telling them "yes" I'll do another thing for them, for them asking me for advice and doing whatever the fuck they want to anyways, for making excuses, for not giving a shit about the person next to them, for acting like it's a damn high school even when they're well in to their 20's and 30's and 40's and their fucking 50's. For being supervised by "leaders" who don't know what it's like to take the lead on anything other than an ego trip. I'm angry at human trafficking, starving children, civil wars, government corruption, red tape, and the fact that some of you are too fucking lazy to recycle a paper box or an empty soda can. What a fucking world we live in. the other day I actually said "let the apocalypse come. there's no hope for humanity."
I'm mad at myself for digging myself into a financial hole that I can't see my way out of. I'm mad at myself for always gaining and never loosing...for having so many material possesions. I can't stand the last few years of high school and college grads that think they're supposed to have everything handed to them on a fucking platter. I want to slap society in the face for the bullshit sex driven propaganda that they put on little girls and young women and grown ass women. I want to slap them again for looking down their nose at women who don't care that they don't look like super models but flaunt it anyways. I'm fucking pissed that my prince charming hasn't shown his scruffy ass up yet. Where is that asshole to deal with some of this?
I'm just fucking pissed.
How did I get here? How did we get here? What the fuck are we doing from day to day while the rest of the world is falling down around us?
I gotta harness this shit. I gotta get some of this strapped into some running shoes or a fundraiser or something. A fucking poetry slam or Burning Man.
"Go ahead and sell me out, I'll leave your sheet bare."
I've had efuckingnough.
"There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark."