change is good

A yoga lesson from this Sunday's class - in what could be pages and pages of blog thoughts I had during that class, I just want to document this thought for right here & now:

Krista, my favorite yoga teacher, at the end of the 90 minutes of class, said,
 "remember where you were when you first came to class and notice where you are now."

It made me think:

Just the other day, a few days after writing my introspective 31st Happy Birthday post,
I read the blog from when I turned 29 .

Reading between the two of them, there's a change…there's a difference, and it's a good change.

{pause here to thank God for this online journal I've kept, these are the moments in which I'm most greatful for keeping a diary here, for keeping a record of me for me}

In between 29 and 31, I had a lot of shitty stuff, a lot of nights spend crying in my pillow, in my car, at my console, just crying cause I was hurt, confused, frustrated, angry...
I've spent a lot of time in these last couple of years: learning, hurting, bending, molding..(insert verb).

It made me think of a belated birthday card I just got from my oldest, wisest Aunt Esther, she wrote that 31 snuck up on me (you're telling me!) she remembers the first time she saw me at the hospital when I was a newborn, but she's enjoying watching me grow through all my life's experiences.

In all this reminiscing I've done lately and listening to the Universe, I'm seeing that despite how hard it seems some days, I am coming out on the other side and it's a pretty good feeling.

 I was commenting to a friend the other day that I sometimes feels stagnant, like things just don't progress, that  it's the same shit but different day.

Looking back, that's not the case. Change is gradual - occasionally sprinkled with moments of utter chaos and decisions that you make in a split second that seem to alter your universe, but mostly graudual.

In my post-yoga mental clarity, I literally compared my life and my own progression to the practice of hot yoga and getting from the beginning to the end of class:

It takes some heat, some sweat, some dedication, some mental stamina, some quieting of your mind, some focusing on your breathing, some practice over and over and over again, but slowly you make progress, you learn to streatch, you learn to push yourself, you learn to set goals, and with all those things working continuously, taking them one moment at a time, eventaully you see a change.

&

Change is good.