30 things: day 9

Day 9 - Something you're proud of in the last few days.

I've been avoiding this topic of a few days because I can't think of anything that I'm really proud of lately. I want to say I'm proud of a few people and a few things, but I don't know if I really am. There's too much static interference in the background of life right now.

I wish I had something better to post, but I don't. Maybe I will next week...

You have got to be kidding me.

Am I crazy or is this a freaking joke? Really? Really?!!!! Read on...this JUST happened. In case you're not thinking dastardly enough to read behind the lines, I took the liberty (*)

SacKingFan: Good morning!

[1:34:41 am]PhotoGal81:hi

[1:34:57 am]SacKingFan:How are you doing tonight?

[1:35:12 am]PhotoGal81:im good

[1:35:20 am]PhotoGal81:how about you?

[1:35:44 am]SacKingFan:doing OK. Just watching Jimmy Fallon and trying to relax a little bit
(*relax = nude from at least the waist down)

[1:35:53 am]SacKingFan:What is a beautiful woman such as yourself doing on here
(*unnecessary flattery by strangers, the first sign of douchery)

[1:36:18 am]PhotoGal81:seeing whats out there :)

[1:36:57 am]SacKingFan:anything yet?

[1:37:02 am]SacKingFan:what are you looking for?
(* AKA = I have a half chub)

[1:37:18 am]PhotoGal81:eh....i guess i haven't been looking that hard

[1:37:21 am]PhotoGal81::)

[1:37:34 am]SacKingFan:why do you say that

[1:37:36 am]PhotoGal81:i'm pretty busy...hard to meet people and get to know them with my schedule

[1:37:52 am]PhotoGal81:i haven't really been looking too much lately...i don't think i've logged in for a few days

[1:38:31 am]SacKingFan:what are you looking for though
(*...at 1:38am exactly (pants? who wears pants when they talk to "beautiful women" strangers online)

[1:39:02 am]PhotoGal81:a serious relationship

[1:39:16 am]SacKingFan:aren't we all?
(*apparently not you douche)

[1:40:05 am]PhotoGal81:i think there's a lot out there just looking for something light
(*light = one pump chump, 5-minute man, booty call, hit it & quit it, generally a creature of douchery)

[1:41:09 am]SacKingFan:something light?
(*schwing)

[1:41:31 am]PhotoGal81:yeah, casual dating
(*I see the error of my ways here..."casual dating" must mean "do me and do me now. no, I don't need flowers, I just need man parts. I'm THAT kind of girl.)


[1:42:00 am]SacKingFan:how casual are you looking for?
(*AKA = do you wanna $#@^&? or will you call me and say crude things at 2am?)

[1:42:31 am]PhotoGal81:well im not looking to get married tomorrow. so pretty casual to start with
(<<< *I feel the need to defend that while I was thinking this was appropriate as to not tell some stranger that I wanted to be engaged by next summer and have a child before the end of the world, apparently in a man's mind, I've just said "yes, I trust the pull out-method, we'll be fine")

[1:42:47 am]SacKingFan:well, that is a good thing ;-)
(*extra sch-wing)

[1:43:27 am]PhotoGal81:what about you?

[1:43:57 am]PhotoGal81:(ps...my laptop battery is about to die and the charger is out int he car and it is waaaay too cold to go get it)

[1:44:13 am]SacKingFan:looking for the same thing. Want someone that loves to kiss and son on
(*the same thing?! did I say anything about kissing and "so on" WTF?!)

[1:44:15 am]SacKingFan:*and so on

[1:44:40 am]PhotoGal81:yeah

[1:46:07 am]SacKingFan:want someone that loves to be intimate
(*uhm, ok...)

[1:46:22 am]PhotoGal81:dont we all? :)
(*ok, do we call this leading? really...I was just agreeing that in a "serious relationship" as I clearly answered that I wanted, intimacy with a said serious-relationship person that I clearly would have had spent some getting-to-know-you time with, intimacy...yes, would be desired.)

[1:47:15 am]SacKingFan:well, this last relationship that I was in - didn't like oral at all and I was lucky to be intimate once or twice a month
(*notice the 2 minute gap in response, hear the crickets chirping in the awkward silence...this is where the string of curse words, nauseating feelings of disgust, and bafflations vomited all over my bedroom)

[1:49:05 am]PhotoGal81:i'm gonna ask an honest question?
(*AKA, I'm about to be a bitch)


[1:49:20 am]PhotoGal81:are you on here to hook up? you're pretty quick into talking about how much oral you don't get
(*I don't blame her)

[1:49:24 am]SacKingFan:I would hope that it would be an honest one - LOL
(* me = not one laugh out loud)

[1:49:41 am]SacKingFan:i was just saying......
(*AKA = so you're probably not going to call me and have phone sex......)

[1:49:45 am]SacKingFan:that is all

[1:50:02 am]PhotoGal81:its pretty forward
(*you jackass)

[1:50:32 am]SacKingFan:i hope that i didn't offend you
(*ooops, there I go offending girls again...)

[1:50:39 am]SacKingFan:and if I did, I apologize
(* AKA = maybe she'll let me get to cyber-third-base if I apologize)

[1:51:11 am]PhotoGal81:not offended, its just a little bit off putting
(*go F yourself, I want my last 15 minutes back)

[1:51:35 am]PhotoGal81:not to be rude..i dont know you...just saying
(*totally to be rude)

[1:52:00 am]SacKingFan:i understand. But you did ask what I was looking for
(*ok, I clearly did NOT ask about the rooster-sucking activities of this donkey-hole's previous non-intimate years.)

[1:52:25 am]SacKingFan:and I don't want to beat around the bush and tell you a lie
(*you're not getting anywhere around my bush. You disgust me.)

[1:52:38 am]PhotoGal81:well at least you're up front
(*well at least I know that you're a douchebag right away)

[1:52:51 am]SacKingFan:I usually am and it always gets me in trouble

[1:52:53 am]SacKingFan::-)

[1:52:56 am]PhotoGal81:well there you go
(*Eff off mother f%^&er)

For the cherry on top of this full-of-shit sundae, here's this guys self-description:

I am a single, kind gentleman who was brought up to treat a woman with respect and treat a lady like a queen. Unfortunately, life has brought me some bad deals and I have gotten screwed over. But that won't stop me in my quest to find everlasting love. When on a date, I always open the doors for a lady, pay the bill, walk them to the door at night, etc, etc.

Let's take it upon ourselves to read the "etc, etc" as "this whole paragraph is a lie. I just want the poonanny."

Carly, where you at? Come thefuckon already! Did we not meet over a blog describing still this same kind of behavior? Does anything ever change? How about we at least reference this torrential downpour we've been having before we start in with the sex talk. WTF is going on?!
"Being honest" and "not beating around the bush" does not give you license to verbally & fallicly slap a stranger in the face at 2am. I'd eat my own eyeball before settling for one of these guys.

That's it...I'm canceling the morning eye appointment (I won't need an appointment since it's already been decided that I'm eating my eyeballs rather than get invovled with a jack-hole) and first thing in the morning I'm going to the SPCA to adopt a cat. I give up. This is just ridiculous. I'm gonna train my cats how to do tricks and claw douchebags in the nutsacs for sport.

(2:39:01)Karma'sPunchline: oh I'm sorry, did my cat, Rooster, just puncture your testicular sac? You should really have that looked at. You should probably leave pretty quick, my dogs I'm Single & Not Desperate get really unpredictable with the smell of blood in the air. You should probably go. I'm just saying...

30 things: Day 8

Day 8 - short term goals this month and why.

Lose 5 lbs before the month is up. Why? This is why.
I calculated my BMI...in a few years my BMI and I will be the same number.
F*@%!
5 lbs...a good start.

Set foot back in the gym. Seriously, you'd think I was deathly allergic to gyms with the way that I've avoided them in the last few years. It's pathetic. My brother is running across the country and I get winded walking up 25 steps to work to sit in a chair for 12 hours. Pathetic.

Finish at least 1 chapter in 1 of the Psych books that I have. Why? Cause I'm paying $6300 for a BA and I made a promise to some people 8 years ago when I started dispatching that I would finish my BA at some point in my life.

What else...how about the damn laundry that never goes away? See this. Oooooh yes...this has been going on for years. I have to PURGE some stuff away. I've been binging for far too long. It's just ridiculous. I even have another bedroom to use now. OMG...embarassing!

What else...I don't know. Survive until March. I'm busy. I'm tired.

Oh, oh...survive LASIK surgery. Yeah...that's happening on the 25th. Stay tuned. I even get eye patches. Arrrgh, you scurvey wench. Swab the decks!!!

That's it. Short term. Short like midgets.

30 things: Day 7

Day 7- a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.



This picture was taken sometime in 1998. I was a sophomore in high school and had just become a police cadet. No one in my family was in law enforcement, but my youth pastor at church was a cop and I really looked up to him. He used to tell us cop stories with excitement and exhilaration, but always, always he included a lesson, a character reference, and they were inspiring. I wanted to be part of that.

When I started as a Cadet, I had full intentions of becoming a police officer. I changed uniforms and badges 3 times and 13 years later, I still work for the same department, hold the same oath, but I have changed a lot.

In becoming a Police Cadet, I became a Police Intern, and after a dicey time with lack of staffing and a temporary assignment in the Dispatch Center, I became a full time police/fire dispatcher and 911 operator at the ripe ol' age of 21 years old. Over the years, on my end of the phone or radio, I have been a parent, a counselor, a shoulder to cry on, a last ditch effort, the call you make when you're at the end, a medical provider, a life-saver, a calming voice, a reassurance, a punching bag, the dog catcher, the mayor, the time keeper, the bee keeper...you name it, I've heard it, handled it, questioned it.

Having a career at 21 years old has allowed me to buy mostly everything that I've ever wanted, travel the world, buy my childhood home at 23 years old, buy a very expensive, very large SUV of my choice without as much as a co-signer. I jut walked on the lot as a 23 year old and picked a very blinged out car and even when the dealer flinched at my age and lack of male-presence at buying a car alone as a woman, I drove off that lot and didn't even look back. Go, single girl moment, go!

But then there's the mental, emotional, and physical toll that this 24-hour job takes on one. After years of conflict resolution, emergency, and being on ultra alert for anything that could happen at any time, I am tired. I'm worn. I remember the mom that killed her daughter with and overdose on blood pressure medication, the early morning cries from the father who's healthy baby boy suffocated in his sleep, and the newborn that was found on the Jr High running track by a couple of young boys who knew to run home and call 911. They saved a baby's life that day.

I have regrets. I regret missing weddings, parties, get togethers. I regret not having enough balance in my life for the first few years that I lived to work and didn't work to live. I regret being so career minded and less love-life minded. My back, my neck, any my shoulders carry a lot of stress and it's hard to get it to melt away and stay away.

I have a hard time being guilt-less just sitting and being quiet and peaceful. I need to work on that.

But nonetheless, I have a job that pays me very well, a flexible schedule, senority to get the vacation time that I want, a fair amount of job security, quite a bit of career and life experience that does translate pretty well on paper and in real life, and although, it's a very disconnected existence in this moment, I am part of something much bigger than me or this solo department.

Wether or not I continue and retire as a 30-year dispatch veteran, in the good, the bad, and the otherwise, this career, this place, this badge, and these patches on my sleeves have had the most impact on my life.

Well...the most impact so far. I'll get back to you on that if I ever find the love of my life or ever have his baby. I'll be sure to tell you right away if that happens!!!

(<3)

30 things: Day 6

Day 6 - favorite superhero and why?



Batman - for these reason:
He's a real guy who uses his strength, martial arts, intellect, technology, his wealth to fight crime and uphold justice.
He doesn't have a superpower, he's a super human.
He vowed to avenge his parents and fight for justice.
He overcame his fear of bats and harnassed it to become one of the good guys.
He doesn't carry a gun cause he doesn't have to.
Minus the gun, he's kind of like the ultimate cop. He is sworn to serve and protect the citizens of Gotham city, he comes when they call (911 = aka bat signal).
He has a dual personality, which is not unlike a lot of us. Playboy, arrogant on the outside Bruce Wayne, but on the inside, caring, protective, and vulnerable.
Also...Christian Bale is hot.
The end.

wishful thinking

It's unusually warm and sunny for mid-February. I sat outside with the cat while talking to my mom and saw a few dandelions hanging out in the front yard and grabbed my camera. Dandelions remind me of being a kid...who could resist picking these things up and making a mess out of them? <3

30 things: Day 5

Day 5 - a place of somewhere you've been.



Ko'Olina, Oahu
I have a lot of memories on these beaches. They mostly feel bittersweet now.

30 things: Day 4

Day 4 - a habit you wish you didn't have.

Procrastination. What else can I say? I have a perpetual to-do list that I ignore and stress about all at once all the time. I find them everywhere, in my car, in the pile of mail that I refuse to open, on the back of receipts, they're saved for months and months at a time in my iphone, on notepads at work, in email form FROM me TO me. What kind of a show are you running here, Coughlan?

Also, biting my nails. It's gross and it makes my hands look fat. Mostly, it's just ugly looking. When I was 13, some douche of a woman once told me that no man would want to put a ring on the finger of a girl who bites their nails. WTF? Yeah...I remember that stupid ass comment. What is wrong with people?

Those are my habits...oh yeah, the bad money habits too. This is gonna be Pandora's box if I don't hit the "publish post" box NOW!!!

We could have had it all

If the thoughts in my head and the feeling in my heart were audible, it might sound like this. Soulful, full of regret & revenge, frustrated, and fucking pissed off. She's not singing like a victim though, she's singing like someone who picked her ass up off the ground after she got knocked down and now the world is going to listen to her whether or not they want to. This is the song she's singing while walking out the door of her broken dream house and tossing the match behind her. Go ahead, listen between the lines...it's a song about revenge. She's singing about fucking Karma.

Throw your soul through every open door,
Count your blessings to find what you look for,
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold,
You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you've sown.

Every word has a meaning, every note she carries all the way through even though she's probably sung this song like 80bajillion times. If I could give myself a talent, I would give myself the ability to sing like this.

I've always loved this girl's voice. She was born to sing. This is what they mean by God given talent. I respect her for being about her music and not about the industry. She seems comfortable in her skin. I've never seen her looking like Lady Gaga. She hasn't gotten caught up in the skinny bitch craze. I can't stand women who get caught up in the projected image of what society thinks they should look like or what some fucking man said to them to make them go on another crash diet. That's what makes beautiful women just pretty girls. Confidence is sexy as hell. That goes for both sexes.

I'm angry at life. I'm pissed at selfish assholes of people that are everyfuckingplace I look. I'm sick of fucking picking up after everyone, paying their bills, telling them "yes" I'll do another thing for them, for them asking me for advice and doing whatever the fuck they want to anyways, for making excuses, for not giving a shit about the person next to them, for acting like it's a damn high school even when they're well in to their 20's and 30's and 40's and their fucking 50's. For being supervised by "leaders" who don't know what it's like to take the lead on anything other than an ego trip. I'm angry at human trafficking, starving children, civil wars, government corruption, red tape, and the fact that some of you are too fucking lazy to recycle a paper box or an empty soda can. What a fucking world we live in. the other day I actually said "let the apocalypse come. there's no hope for humanity."

I'm mad at myself for digging myself into a financial hole that I can't see my way out of. I'm mad at myself for always gaining and never loosing...for having so many material possesions. I can't stand the last few years of high school and college grads that think they're supposed to have everything handed to them on a fucking platter. I want to slap society in the face for the bullshit sex driven propaganda that they put on little girls and young women and grown ass women. I want to slap them again for looking down their nose at women who don't care that they don't look like super models but flaunt it anyways. I'm fucking pissed that my prince charming hasn't shown his scruffy ass up yet. Where is that asshole to deal with some of this?

I'm just fucking pissed.

How did I get here? How did we get here? What the fuck are we doing from day to day while the rest of the world is falling down around us?

I gotta harness this shit. I gotta get some of this strapped into some running shoes or a fundraiser or something. A fucking poetry slam or Burning Man.

"Go ahead and sell me out, I'll leave your sheet bare."

I've had efuckingnough.

"There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark."

a Good Earth message

"The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Horace Walpole
(1717-1797)

that's what the tag on my tea bag told me today

I love this tea. I'm going to run away with it, a bag of groceries, and a stack of magazines and rent a cabin in the woods.

Just me and my Good Earth sweet&spicy hot tea. :)

30 things: Day 3

Day 3 - a picture of you and your friends.


"Is that a dress or a shirt?"
Las Vegas
October, 2009
This was a good trip, not the greatest trip, true colors were shown along with boobs and backsides. Vegas can make or break your friendship.

Also, parading up and down hotels and sidewalks, dancing, and standing in far too many lines in stupidly high heels can fracture your foot and/or toes. My right foot has never been the same. It can tell you when the rain is going to come.

30 things: Day 2

Day 2 - the meaning behind your blog name.

Before I blogged, I talked and emailed a lot and always got the same reaction from people: "This stuff is hilarious. You should write."

A couple of years ago, I heard it enough to actually do something about it. The trigger for the name was the "Waikiki Midget Incident".

The Reader's Digest version of the story is that a cigar-smoking midget with a bad fashion sense and a lot of persistence approached me as I lay on the beach in Waikiki with my younger sister and about 10,000 of my fellow sun worshipers. Out of those 10,002, this little guy managed to pick us out as "girls who look like they know how to have a good time" that he wanted to "paint the town red" with "way later in the night". I shit you not, midgets love me, Briana was just collateral damage.

Prior to this Karmatic event, the stench of ranky cigar smoke had caught my first attention. The spectacle of dolphin shaped headphones and the traffic cone orange shorts, AKA midget capris, caught my next attention. Not only did my sister and I have a good chuckle at the little bearded thing but I, thinking I was soooo sly, snuck a camera phone picture and sent it to all of my friends. No later than 5 minutes, he was standing over me with this chubby little toes in my face asking me out for the evening. My sister's head buried in the sand like and ostrich, I was on my own as I politely (no reason to be rude to little people) kept turning him down, making up excuses, and hid the look of absolute shock. I did this to myself. This is what I got for making fun of him to all my friends an ocean away. Briana was paralyzed with laughter for like 3 whole days. She didn't even make a sound, she just shook. Occasionally a tear would roll down her cheek.

That beautiful July day was the day I found 1) midgets love me, and 2) I'm Karma's bitch.

Karma's Bitch was a little bit too harsh for a blog title, so Karma's Punchline it became.

That. Is the story of my blog name.

30 things: Day 1

Day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.


{January, 2011 @ The Tilted Kilt in San Diego...I was very, very "tilted". The picture will remain sideways because that's how things went that night and into the next day. A bagel, a salad, and 16 vodka/tonics with extra lime. Well, 8 doubles, but that makes 16 in my book and awholelottalime. I've had never thrown up in a public bathroom.....until that night. I had also never thrown up in a bag in a a rental car in the middle of Balboa Park at 2pm in front of three of my co-workers. Score one for getting older and wiser. Not. PS, that's Nicole, she's one of my new, best friends. I couldn't have recovered without her. We were friends before, but now I know I can really, really count on her. I owe her big time. Big time!}


1) I love zombie movies
2) I have 2 middle names: Deborah & Rebecca
3) I've owned 9 cats in my lifetime, all but 1 have died, gotten eaten, or run away. I've been trying to be the "cat lady" all my life.
4) I have a list of girl baby names that I love somewhere in a journal. Coincidentally, they all end in "a".
5) The National Anthem always gives me the chills.
6) I'm really afraid of getting cancer, but if I should suffer such misfortune, I'll get a tattoo on my bald head.
{Karma: as I typed this, I got this notification in my inbox:
I am pleased to inform you that your recent Pap
screening test for cervical cancer was normal.}
Most excellent news.
7) My hair has been falling out since I was 18. I've concluded that it's hereditary. Sometimes it comes back, sometimes it doesn't. I am always self concious about. That is part of why I don't date on a regular basis.
8) I love mushrooms.
9) Country music puts me at ease. I cannot deny it.
10) I grew up in a cult until I wes 13 years old. You would hardly believe the stories I have from my childhood. Being a functioning adult is one of the biggest accomplishments in my life considering the way I could have gone. My parents are to credit and to blame for both of those things.
11) I bought my childhood home when I was 23 years old. Finacially sound, mentally and socially one of the worst decisions of my life. The house came with family members, pets, damage, and other type baggage.
12) The theme song from Unsolved Mysteries is just about enough to make me hide under the covers and cry. I was scared to death as a child by those stories ALL the time.
13) I'm always warmer than everyone else. It takes a lot for me to get cold.
14) I'm pretty good at reading people. It's probably because I don't trust a lot of them. I guess between #10 up there and what I do for a living, I can't help but feel like that and know when someone is trying to bamboozle me or someone that I love. On the other hand, I'm pretty good at picking out the genuine ones.
15) I'm kind of like a baby. When I want to throw a temper tantrum and shit all over the people around me, I get in my car and drive. Fast or slow. I drive and scream. I drive and vent. I drive and cry. I just get in the car and it usually rocks me back to sanity. That's the plain truth.

30 things (yeah, it couldn't have been 29)

I stole this from someone fabulous who stole it from someone else that I can only imagine is also fabulous and even thought I have a little tiny cringe inside me that I'm committing to something(anything) for 30 days, I think I need something to look forward to. Yes, desperate times call for desperate measures. I am living a passionless existence. I'm not excited about anything anymore. In fact the last thing I was excited about was meeting Napoleon Dynamite (ok, his name is Jon Heder and he has a wife and kids and normalness but he's always ND to me!!!) at Disneyland on accident. I love Napoleon Dynamite.

Anyways....................................................back to this:

I'm going to do this 30 day thing. Along with going back to school for Psychology (yawn, not a well thought out plan and the books smell like ashtray), doing the weight loss challenge with Donna (we both fell off the wagon, F#@&ing Superbowl parties!!!), trying to squeeze time out of my ass to go with my brother across the country to raise money for dying kids, date online (FML), and just generally wake up and get out of bed everyday, do some laundry, clean a countertop or toilet or whatever. (second yawn)

I think I'm afraid of commitment. Maybe that's why I'm always involved in so many things. That actually might be a truth about me that I haven't admitted yet. Self-reflection is like a soul-fart. It fucking stinks. Nevertheless, this is my 30-day challenge.

30 Things about Me

Here is what you can expect for the next 30 days:

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
day 2- the meaning behind your blog name
day 3- a picture of you and your friends
day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have
day 5- a picture of somewhere you've been
day 6- favorite super hero and why
day 7- a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
day 8- short term goals for this month and why
day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days
day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
day 11- another picture of you and your friends
day 12- how you found out about blogger and why you have one
day 13- a letter to someone who has hurt you recently
day 14- a picture of you and your family
day 15- put you ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
day 16- another picture of yourself
day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have
day 19- nicknames you have and why you have them
day 20- someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future
day 21- a picture of something that makes you happy
day 22- what makes you different from everyone else
day 23- something you crave for a lot
day 24- a letter to your parents
day 25- what I would find in your bag
day 26- what do you think about your friends
day 27- why are you doing this 30 day challenge
day 28- a picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?
day 29- in this past month, what have you learned
day 30- your favorite song

OkCupid find me Plenty of Fish

I just wanna say that it's 3:33 am Sunday morning (meaning a few hours ago was Saturday night) and I'm watching a movie about the horrors of being single and online dating while surfing my "matches" on not 1 but 2 dating websites.

I just went through 30 pages of 15 "matches" , that's 450 guys, and it was as sucessful as me trying to balance a checkbook.

This is too fucking much to handle right now. Yes, I said fucking.

I'm gonna stick to the organic cooking for right now. It's much easier for me to control those ingredients. Running, maybe I'll pursue that too. I'll work on my get away strategies for horrible first dates.

Ugh.

Hey Chick(pea)

My quest for weight loss has lead me to parousing vegan lifestyle websites with a vengeance. I am not a vegan. I don't plan becoming a vegan, but I do need to lower my cholesterol and my blood pressure. And...I am not afraid of vegetables. Not even brussel sprouts.

I went to Trader Joe's the other day for a dozen things. I walked out $114 poorer by the time I was done and the owner of these interesting things.
blue agave sweetner
firm but not extra firm tofu
steel cut oats (actually a staple in my house)
almond butter with flax seed
hummus
low sodium veggie broth
pink himalayan salt (in it's own grinder)
and soy cheese

I have exotic spices lining my kitchen counter and I now have (1) blender for sauces and savory things and (1) blender for shakes and sweet things.

I'm not really that cool, calm, or culinary on a regular basis and I did fall off the weight loss wagon just slightly yesterday because of some ridiculous drama over one idiot, a$$hole, douchebag. There was a chocolate casualty and the evidence is still sitting in a pile on the floorboard of my car.

Either way, I didn't totally loose my mind or my willpower. I got home and got to cooking.


Cilantro lime shrimp salad with homemade tamari dijon dresssing.



For tomorrow:

Chickpea tacos...that's right, meatless, taco seasoned garbanzos are gonna rock my world!

Finally, my sweet treat for the night:

Non-fat, plain yogurt, fresh blueberries and blackberries, chopped walnuts, and organic honey.

I'm taking this one recipe at a time. One bowl at a time. One day at a time.

The Challenge

I've done it...I've committed to the 2011 Weight Loss Challenge.

I can't fit in my uniform pants and I refuse to buy bigger ones. I referred to my upper body as "flubber" the other day. I.found.new.stretch.marks.

I'm over it.

I said that I want to look better at 30 than I ever have before, right? Ok...time to do something about it. What am I waiting for? The Biggest Loser application? I thought not.

Donna. She's always up for a good challenge, so I asked her in passing the other night. "Hey, Donna, do you want to go on a di("yes!!!!")et with me?" That ("yes!!!!") was her answering me before I even got the rest of the question out.

That night at work in the early, early AM hours when nothing was moving, no one was calling, and my pants were cutting off the circulation to my lower body, we decided on the terms of the Challege.

From yesterday (January 31st) to the beginning of May, we have agreed on the following:

Mondays will be the official weigh in days
There will be no sabotage of each other's weight loss
We will make food that we can share during the work week
and these things...

1) the first to get to 5% of original weight lost gets $25 iTunes gift card
2) the first to get to 20 lbs total lost gets a gift certificate for a 1-hr massage
3 and final) at the end of the Challege, the one with the most % of weight lost gets a $100 gift card for their favorite clothing company.

So now we're on day 2. I want chocolate in large doses. I have eaten a small box of produce in the last 24 hours. I can't stop peeing. My pants are still tight. I'm gassy.

But...I put it on Facebook to all my "friends" and now I have to answer to them too and I don't like that which ultimately means that it's the right thing to do.

Next...the gym that comes along with the trainer who I have avoided now for all of 2010 and the latter part of 2009. The trainer that used to be a football player. The one with the big arms and the gold tooth in the front. The one that doesn't fall for my lame excuses or my faiting and vomitting spells on the treadmill.

After that...I conquer the world. :)