Saturday, February 21, 2009

Just roll with it.

I feel


work is good tonight. Actually good. Not soul crushing or blood pressure elevating. I don't want to put my foot through the radio or rip anyone a new anything. It's an odd feeling.

I feel like it's back to when it used to be fun and managable and rewarding. When we used to set up the scenarios for the night...a pursuit of a stolen vehicle with shots fired, tc'ed into a house, fully engulfed, multi-alarm structure fire, foot bail, perimeter, SWAT call out. That's the stuff we used to wait for.

Dare I even say it? Tonight felt like it was a few years ago. I hate being that "it was never like this back when I started" person, but I that's what I've become.

I used to feel unshakable. Unbreakable. I was so confident and believed in the work I did 40+ hours a week so strongly, that I actually used to say that. "This job might make me stumble from time to time, but it can't shake me. I've got this. Whatever it is, I can handle it. 'Cause that's just what we do. Whatever the situation might be, we'll find a way to work it out."

And we did. The great shifts and crews that I've been assigned to in the last few years have handled all kinds of natural disasters, crimes, and ridiculous shenanigans and we thrived off of that stuff! Just a bunch of adrenaline junkies just waiting for THE Code 3 traffic.

Tonight: I understand the officers, I'm not stumbling over what I need to say, I didn't miss anything, I didn't forget to add a unit or upgrade a response...I was into it. I cared.

I've always told myself to be the best at what I do and be proud of it. I felt like that tonight - proud and into it - and it baffled me just a little bit. I even said outloud..."I don't...quite...know what to do?"

My answer from the far corner of the room, "Just roll with it."

Yeah. Just roll with it.

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