Saturday, February 28, 2009


"When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe..."
Dreaming with a Broken Heart ~ John Mayer

I heard this song on my way into work. I couldn't have said it better. Thank God for lyrics; they're raw emotions with a tune. Parts of my life feel like this right now. Like I'm stuck in a bad relationship with no easy way out.

Where's the reset button?

The divorce rate applies to half of all marriages in this country. Earlier today, while I was aimlessly and simultaneoulsy surfing Facebook and Myspace, I came to the realization that there are five people I know who are newly engaged or just married. By new, I mean that three out of five of them have known their other half for less than a year. Five new marriages seems like a lot but then I look at their stories and realize that they are all made up of a different fabric.

One I've known since we were in high-school. In the last few years, he reinvented himself and found the man he wanted to be. I like his story. I don't know him well, but I do know that he learned to love who he was and then he found someone who loved him for that.

The second isn't complete unless he is in a questionable relationship and I quote "I've been married and divorced once before and made it through. Really if it doens't work out, it's all just money in the end." Is he addicted to heartbreak like cutters are to bleeding?

One work acquaintance swore she would never again get married. Ever. Not getting married was part of her personal mantra for years until 6 months ago when she met Mr. Right and he changed her mind. I've worked with her for 8 years and I've never seen her happier. Find someone who makes you want to be a better person - one of my favorite idealogies.

Another former friend and current co-worker always said she thought she would never get married because her parents had such a great love story and long marriage, luck couldn't strike twice. Her and I spent a lot of Summer nights together out on the bar's patio with a cold one disecting the happenstance of finding Mr. Right. She said she didn't need a ring on her finger to prove that someone loved her. A little over a year ago, over beers and karaoke, she got to know a new officer we work with. Turns out beer and karoake would end up changing her mind about all things marriage.

The final one used to be my best friend. She helped me foster my love for travel, photography, and scrapbooking - the things that bring me peace and serve as my creative outlet. We were inseperable and then our frienship shattered. I regret that our friendship was once so close and now is non-existent. We could have both been better to each other but for whatever reason it ran its course and I'm at peace with that now. After 20-something years, she is finally getting married for the second time. She didn't intentionally choose to be alone that whole time, but for whatever reason, her long time fate was being a party of 1. The man she is engaged to now is someone she used to despise; she used to be his ex-wife's confidant. He has a sorted history and the rumor mill still prints out reports of his out-of-town activities. Looking from the outside in, we can all see the signs and the writing on the wall, but I guess this is why they say that Love is blind.


  1. i love this. i am always curious when my married friends try to set me up. sometimes i ask them, "why? are you super happy being married? or would you go back to being single if you could?"

    sometimes i feel like they want me to be miserable, too. misery does love company. i might have to write about the whole "setting up" thing. it's like my friends think at my age i will settle for anything. creepy.

    i went to a class on divorce. the current "guestimated" divorce rate in the united states is 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages. even crazier, of those respective rates, about 80% remarry within the first year of being divorced.

    oh lordy.

    you have inspired me to let loose on all the indecencies. my friend and i were talking about it and it's just not acceptable. woman are amazing people and deserve better. we decided we are going to start a group for successful single woman to move to an island, make cocktails, and have pool boys. i GUARANTEE we'll be happier than all our married friends. :)

    take care you xxoo

  2. I have been happily married for 10 years this year. I will say I might be in the minorty here but just keep an open mind. Not ALL marriages are bad. In fact, even the ones that come out of bad circumstances can become something good. I am usually the pessimist, as you know Lo, but it can happen. I honestly believe in soulmates and it can be trial and error before the right one is found. Marriage is not all bad....don't knock it until you try it.

    P.S. Yes, I am super happy being married and no, I would never want to be single again.

  3. You are the exception to my rule J-Dahl! I don't think that all marriages are failures or destined for divorce, I just think that marriage has become less sacred and more fadish just in my lifetime. It seems almost popular or trendy to have been divorced at least once in your life. It's just feels like a different social standard than it should be.

  4. Carly - yes, the "set up". I have a friend from work who is as of now, just about 6 months broken up from her fiance. BEST decision ever! Looking back less than a year ago, she can't figure out what she was doing with him all that time. She's pretty, smart, funny, FUN, and in my opinion totally non-deserving of the douche bag who treated her like shit. Even she says she settled. Women do that...I have too. I wonder what that is?