Wednesday, May 13, 2009

In search of...

Something is amiss...something in my universe just isn't right. I'm itching for something, but I don’t know what it is. A change of pace, a risk, a tattoo...something. I guess it's pretty strange for me to ask for a change of pace when my pace is always going, going, going but I think that maybe I'm always seeking, seeking, seeking. What am I trying to figure out?

This picture that I took in Miami recently just happens to go with my feeling about my little universe. I have tiny, little moments of clarity when it seems like I've broken even with things and I can cool my jets a little, but those are few and far between. Do I need a challenge? Do I need a direction? Do I need a boyfriend?...that certianly would stir the pot and give me something to try and figure out.

On the topic of boyfriends, an old one came up recently. Maybe that's what's shaking up my little world? Quite a few years have slipped by since I had any serious thought of him...seemed like it had been long enough to let it all go and see if he wanted to catch up for a drink, but that plan quickly fell through. Funny the things you remember when you dig into your past. I literally dug into a blueberry candle scented box full of my past last night. I'm more of a packrat than I care to admit - I had every little letter, picture, present, card, phone number, receipt from dinners out, ev-a-rah-thang! from what seems like a lifetime ago. Who was that girl? I recognize her hand writing and her sense of humor, but I have a hard time grasping the dizzing, diabetic-coma-inducing gushings on and on about how in love she was.

I guess I'm in some conundrum about figuring how I got from there to here and what it all means to me in the long run. I've been reflecting on a lot in the last few days. Enough to stir a ripple in my place in time right now.

I'm just babbling now to myself really...*sigh*. It's never what it seems, is it?


  1. i SO SO SO feel where you are coming from.
    this happened to me recently.
    things don't fall into place; they come crashing down. hard.
    and then you'll wake up one day and realize that you got "there" without even knowing.
    if i could just get rid of my last boy(friend) in my memory... i believe i would find my place in the universe.
    i love this post from you. maybe my favorite yet.

  2. Aww thanks...I love when people can relate. Makes us both feel like we're not alone it this, huh?