lyrics: my poet

Words fail.

Lyrics are my poet. 

Tempo is my heartbeat.

She knocked softly, I let her in.

{old friend why are you so shy? ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light}

Exquisite. 

Immense. 

{regrets and mistakes they're memories made}
Consuming.

31.

and so today is my 31st birthday...officially 7 minutes ago
although I was actually born at 2:18 in the morning 31 years ago

I've been more than contemplative lately and this stroke of midnight was no exception

What has changed since last year?  What more or less have I become?
not much I started to think...but then I stopped that thought and it all started coming back to me
so, of course, I came here, like I do when I'm listening to my heart

I turned on the music to keep me company and of course by some manner of mind trickery, Adele radio was playing and this song was the first that came on - if I could have made the record scratch, I would have...oh, it's funny actually.  It is.  I'm finding myself chuckling and rolling my eyes at the irony.  The Karma of it all.

but, let me not get sidetracked -  onto to the ever important 30 > - < 31 in the dash moments 

In the last year, I have:

} finally gotten my space, my freedom, my own house, my independence
} lost two dear friendships and let go of my relationship with my father - during that process I also let go of a lot of anger and hurt, there are still streaks of it there, but they don't rule me like they used to
} gained a great appreciation for someone who was always there, but I never saw until recently, I literally drove from one great friendship to the next in the matter of hours...one of my favorite memories
} over all gained more new friends than I "lost" for true friends are never really lost, sometimes you just have to part ways for a while
}saw my brother cross a 4 month finish line, I watched him turn into something that I never knew he had in him
} took a call that has turned out to be a career defining - in this moment, I can say that, if by some misfortune or lottery moment, I handed over my headset tomorrow, I could walk away knowing that there was "that" call that I knew I had meant to step into this profession for nearly 15 years ago
} have felt the call of somewhere else that is calling me "home" but it's just not revealed itself yet...but I hear it more distinctly than ever
} decided to change my major to Business Marketing, something I never considered until it hit me that it might push me in the direction of finding my career passion - I'm looking forward to updating this next year
} lost a dear, sweet love that I called family, an end that we knew was going to end all too soon, but never knowing when that might happen
} opened myself up to more relationship possibilities than I have in all of my 20's...none were right, all were lessons, nothing's broken me, I'm still learning every day, right now every hour, I'm working really hard on the relationship with myself and my life and being thankful for all that I have to share with someone else
} planted two garden beds that had been on my list for three years
} completed 3 competitive runs, including a mud run, things that I always wanted to do, but never imagined I could
} joined yoga, bootcamp, a new gym, and a new appreciation for marathon running and outdoor adventure
} felt more comfortable in my skin than I have in previous years
} started a new venture 
} went under the knife, and out to the world for my first time, and then 6 days later for my second
} survived
} grew my hair out, brought my waist in, and saw myself through someone else's appreciative eyes
} spoke my mind without regret
} started mending fences 
} wrote...and wrote...and wrote some more - I'm looking up now at the words above this bullet point and I see my life, my journey, my hopes, my sorrows, my dreams, my hurts, my wishes, my love, my hate, a girl who wants her dad, a kid who wants her best friend again, a woman who is learning what it is like to open her heart and not fear getting rejected, and a public servant understanding the bind that is an oath

I am admitting to myself more now than ever, that my heart is open, it's feeling and seeking all the time, not as closed off as it used to be - torn open by sorrow, hurt, and loss, but being washed by tears and the kind of laughter that only comes when you've gone through the worst of it, and not around it, not over it, but straight through it, stuck to your decisions, your words, or taken the high road, the humble road and made amends.

next year...in "32", what will have changed?  What will have occurred?  I don't know...the older I get, the less I realize that I have to let life happen organically, not planned and executed according to my plan but according to my Creator's.

today, I am 31 years young and I know that the best is yet to come

God knows I'm tough enough

It is a struggle for me right now to not to cannibalize myself with introspection.  It applies to everything I feel, see, hear...I find myself just reminding myself to breathe.  It's a whisper...just breathe, just breathe, just breathe. 


Sitting here catching up on email, checking up on my friends, debating if there's anything else to say that I didn't say two days ago, forcing myself to get out of bed for the day after finally getting some sleep.  The wind is eerie, it's too quiet in this house.  For all those years, I just wanted my own space, I just wanted to be able to think without interruption, now it's too quiet. It's lonely quiet. Just the clacking of the keyboard that sits on my lap and the clacking of the dog's nails on the hardwood floor.  Thank God for her, she keeps the best company, I love that dog.


That small, quiet voice inside me said, "turn on the music Lauren"... After all, I made a pledge to make it my best friend again.  Music has saved me so many times.  I forgot about it, but I wrote a speech on the power of music in college.  I got an A.  It wasn't hard to talk about, it wasn't hard to bring the audience into my enthusiasm I had for it.   What exactly did I say?  I don't know, but whatever it was, it worked.  


So here I am, trying to find some balance in my mind, and then {this Jason Mraz song} comes on. I've heard it here and there for the last few months.  It's beautiful, not over orchestrated.  The first time I heard it I was in my bedroom putting away clothes, it came floating out over the speakers that are in the bathroom - yes, I put speakers in the bathroom for one reason and one reason alone - singing in the shower.  It's awesome, but I digress.  As soon as I heard it, I knew that this song would make the list.  To my ears, it was love at first sound.  


Despite the title of this song, it's not a song about broken or empty promises, trying to desperately breathe life into a love lost, falling in love with a dream, or wishing on shooting stars. I picked out the lyrics that spoke to me.  Just me individually.

I Won't Give Up On Us

Hmmmm ... Hmmmm ... Hmmmm ... Hmmm ...


When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?


I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up


And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find


'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up


I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am


I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.


I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)


I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

How old is my soul?  Older than it should be? Maybe not.  I've heard this time and time again for years now.  "You have an old soul."  I don't always know what that means, but I know it's a compliment.  I know that when I tell people that about myself, they smile back at me, and the ones that have their own old soul, it's unspoken between us.  The smile that you get in your eyes that says "Yeah, I got it, I got you." 

I am still looking Up.  I am.  I always know I can, even when I'm doing my own navigating and I find myself lost.  Trust.  It's my biggest struggle.  Trust that I'm doing the right thing, that I'm headed in the right direction, that the things I need to do that petrify me I can do if I trust enough.  Trust that things happen for a reason, that they end up the way they were always supposed to, that some day it will all make sense.  

Navigating - its a shitstorm out there sometimes.  Ultimately, I have to do it all on my own, I have to be happy and content in myself, with myself.  I think that's why so many relationships fall apart, dependence on someone else to make you happy.  Navigating comes easier by the way of family, good friends, confidants, people that you can relate to, that let you know you're not the only one out there trying to find the way.  That's where words hold their power, where writers who can express emotion by way of a phrase can make words simply priceless.  That's where lyrics speak louder than anything.  The "ah-ha!" moments when you hear something that speaks to everything you're feeling and thinking that you thought no one else could relate to.  

We do have a lot to learn - and by we, I mean I.  I have a lot to learn.  The older I get, the less I know.  The more I think I know, the more I get proven wrong.  I'm learning something right now.  I don't know what it is.  It hurts whatever it is.  It's numb sometimes, overwhelming other times, it comes out in tears, in sobs, in distance stares out of the window.  

And in the end you're still my friend.  This is the one lyric that is not about me.  And when you read this, and you will, it is everything about you.  In the end, we will always be friends.  It's a friendship that is always evolving.  Not static.  It's already changed so much, it simply can't be what it was before, but it will always be there.  Even when there are no words between us, there's that quiet confidence that I know that we will always be friends.  If you sense that someone is thinking about you and hoping you're safe, and happy, that'll be me, even if you don't hear me say it.  All the lost navigating that you saw me through, listened  to me wonder about, gave me advice on which way to steer the rudder, unassuming, I don't think either one of us knew it at the time, but you were exactly what I needed.  I don't know if I can repay the favor.  I know true friendship doesn't keep tabs, and that's not what this is about.  I can't be the friend that you need me to be right now though, and that makes me hurt.    It makes me hurt because I know I should be there to listen to you now.  I should be able to tell you that things you're terrified about, you shouldn't be.  I should be able to tell you that it'll all work out the way it's supposed to.  That sometimes it's not about taking the risk, or finding out if it's worth it in the end, but it's what you learn about it in the in between, in the journey of taking a risk on something that is terrifying.  I should tell you that when it comes down to it, listen to your heart.  I should ask you to promise me that whatever happens, you won't settle for being underwhelmed.  Don't take the easy way out.  Don't settle for anything less than butterflies.  Take the best piece of advice I have when it comes to these things that are terrifying.  Find someone who knows your dark secrets, doesn't think twice about your imperfections, accepts you for everything you have been, everything  you are, and everything you're yet to be.  Don't "settle" until you find that person who you can be completely, comfortably yourself with.  The person who makes you want to be the best you that you can be.  Promise me that?  Please?

Learn how to bend without the world caving in

I had to learn what I've got

And what I'm not

And who I am   I'm tenacious.  Despite this never ending stream of tears, I don't break easily.  I know who I am.  I know who I'm not.  I know what I want out of this life.  I know  what I won't compromise.  Despite knowing all those things, there is still a lot for me to learn.  I used to call myself broken and hollow.  I was never broken, I was just bent.  Finding something that you can bend without breaking it, finding someone that can bend along with you without breaking what relationship you have...I'm learning these things the hard way in the last few years.  I'm learning what  is truly important.  I'm learning what the consequences are for not setting boundaries, not putting myself first, and I'm learning about timing.  Timing is just another adjective for trust.  Trust, like love, is a verb.  

God knows I'm tough enough - this one should speak for itself.  They say that God doesn't give you more than you can handle.  Right now I know of people who have been given more than their fair share.  But that's from my perspective.  Children should not leave this life before their parents do.  No one should get cancer, especially those who still have their entire lives ahead of them.  When I stop the spinning top that's spinning inside my head and consider them, it helps put things in perspective.  It's so hard to focus on what I think I don't have, what I'm missing, what I want desperately, that I forget to stop and appreciate what I do have (another just breathe moment) and be thankful and grateful for that.  For the mounds of things that I've amassed over the years, for the whittling down of acquaintances to true, lifelong friends, for a family that loves me, for a job that I love to hate but still pays my bills and keeps me healthy, for not doing what I'm most passionate about anymore, but knowing that it's out there still and when I find it, it will mean that much more to me.  

It's taken me the better part of 2 hours to write this.  I've listened to this track at least twenty times.  The tears have finally stopped.  I'm breathing without a reminder.  I'm not entirely numb.  If you've managed to make it to the end of this post with me, thank you.  Thank you for reading.   Thank you for taking the time.  Thank you for being my audience, whoever you are.  I find peace and solace in breathing life into my words.  Into putting my heart, my dreams, my hurt out into the world, outside of myself to be seen.  It's not always easy, but it's one of the things that saves me.  It's the vulnerability that makes me stronger.   

my Jiminy

Being an official conscience, Jiminy is rather wise and optimistic. He can be a bit aggressive when upset, but means well. He is not only Pinocchio's conscience but also his best friend, a relationship he treasures apparently. The two spend much of their time together to the point that Jiminy feels insulted and rejected when Pinocchio briefly called Lampwick his best friend. When first introduced, Jiminy was shown to be rather wise-cracking and humorous, often making jokes to amuse himself. Prior to meeting Pinocchio, Jiminy was sort of a realist, not believing in fairy tales and wishes. Of course, after the adventure with him and the little wooden boy, Jiminy's view of the world changed greatly. The cricket holds an obvious crush on The Blue Fairy. He often gets dumbfounded upon the mere sight of her. In spite of his naturally diminutive states, Jiminy shows no fear in facing enemies thrice his size as seen when he tried to get Pinocchio away from Honest John and Gideon and when he wanted to scuffle with Lampwick.  (source)


"Jiminy"

It is one of my most cherished nicknames
I gie her the advice she needs

but not always the advice she wants

I know her demons, her fears, and her unspoken dreams

She makes me crazy

She's too much to handle at times

But under neath it all, I know that genunie and has a good heart

She is reckless with words sometimes

She's a spinning top at other times

She is always there when I need her

She listens to me too

She serves a purpose in my life just like I do in hers

There are no "tabs" kept between us
I know that I'm one of the few people she comes to when something goes wrong, no mater the time of day or night

hawt!

I just simply love this picture.  I think we look hawt!  Great date, great night, great memories. I have to keep posting these so when the list starts to overflow with all the things that I don't have, still want, or things I think I'll never become, I can remember that I have a lot of good things in my life.  Like a best friend who will sneak booze into a wedding with me and go bang on the door of the local taqueria until the smiling owner comes out to compliment us on our dresses.  We are just that kind of classy!!!

PS...I don't say this often about myself, but I really like how I look in this picture from head to toe.  The hard work is paying off.  I made it a bucket list item to look better at 30, 35, 40 than I had ever looked before.  I'm getting it done. It makes me proud to be me and those are moments I should always be proud to share.

30 things: Day 21

Day 21, a picture of something that makes you happy.

Well, over the course of the last 7 years, I managed to whittle down the beings that share my house from my mom, my brother, my sister, my dad, 1 out of 3 cats, and 1 out of 2 dogs. Emma remains and she is a good roommate even if she barks too loud, farts too much, and eats the garbage.

Emma and I were not always friends. I was not her favorite, but I am now by default , by walks, and by car rides. There was the time she dug a hole in my new couch. There was the time when she was doing hurdles with the old dog in the backyard while I was trying to sleep during the day fresh off a graveyard shift. There was the time she puked all over the rug like she was trying out for the Exorcist. Emma is a big girl, but she's sweet. She'll bark at anything that dares to come to the door or make a noise on her turf, but she won't bite you (unless you're delivering some kind of mail related thing) and she uses her big, floppy lips to gently scoop up treats and snackies from anyone. She likes little kids and she wants to be friends with everything, even racoons. Emma does not like to be alone, so she sleeps on the floor while I watch TV, she follows me to the computer room to put her big, sloppy, wet nose on the back of my arm when I least expect it, she sniffs my face when I'm laying on the couch, she protects me from the little rodent things that are living under the house, and she is my bestest doorbell ever. Just ask the Brinks guy who tried to sell me the burglar alarm last week. Aww, Emma, Emmy, Enema...you big ol' puppy thang you!

BFF

Broken Former Friendship

it's like an automatic version of getting kicked when you're already down
yeah, it's true
I know it is

its all those same emotions as a regular break-up:

foolish
used
hurt
bruised
betrayed
doubting
did you ever really believe in someone that much? that hard? that blindly?
did i ignore the signs? yeah...kind of. call it hoping for the best
in hindsight, it seems like it was a loosing game all along
the traces of an old life were all fading away, I was part of the old
growing pains are awkward and ugly
so are dents
we were bent
now we're broken



unpicturing someone who was supposed to be there for the important moments in your life and erasing them feels impossible
mabye all along they weren't going to be right next to you, but at least they were in your audience
they were part of that web that made up the safety net of your life

it's uneasy
unfinished
nagging
sometimes I think I just want to get the last word in, prove my point
lash out
but that's not it
I want an answer
it's not about finding a replacment, it's about worth, longevity, history
being irreplacable on both ends of it
irreplacable has it's place

I hate that feeling of wondering what the hell you're supposed to say when you accidentally bump into them
it makes me not want to ever do so much for a close friend again and that's not the person I am...it hate that thought, i despise it
ultimately i hate the feeling of wondering who is going to betray me next
I feel foolish for being scared for someone who insisted that my concern was just critcism

really what is this in the grand scheme? just another scar right?
but this one's uglier
those silly boys are supposed to dissapoint you
work too
family is comedic, tragic, a given, you just have to accept them

but those few friends you've always known
the ones you drag with you everywhere in life
the ones you made backyard wishes with
the ones you shared your first mobile freedom with
the ones you have on the other end of your auto dial
the ones that remember where you came from
the ones that remind you where you want to go
the ones that see you through all the bad decisions undone
the ones that will tell you the truth and won't just stand by
the ones that pull you up, pull you out, refuse to accept an "I'm fine"
the ones you shouldn't lie to...the exceptions to the don't tell rule
the ones who can still see past all the years of "adult" debris and find the little kid in you
the ones who know who you really are at the end of the day
those are the friends who are supposed to stay - over night, over coffee, over all the other BS
they're the family you get to choose yourself

10, 20, 50 years from now, people are going to forget what you did and what you said, but they'll never forget how you made them feel.

forgetting would be a reprieve
this bothers me more than I like to admit

Oh I wish I was...

an Oscar Meyer wiener!!!

Today, I'm in Houston, TX. Actually, I'm in a hotel room in Houston, TX. I didn't leave the hotel until 6pm when we decided to get up and eat something other than candy corn and cough drops. How much fun shit can happen in 30 minutes? Well let me tell you...a lot.

Destination Hard Rock Cafe pin collector took us about 15 minutes away to the Theatre District of this fine Texas city, but no sooner than before we got past the corner of our hotel.....we came upon a sight to behold - the WienerMobile.
"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener!" could not have been sung with more gusto from two women approaching their 30's if you paid us to. What an incredible fucking ride. What I wouldn't give to steer that giant penis shaped mobile down the sprawling sidewalk or across the open highway. I guess my picture with my booty backed up against it at the corner of Hidalgo and Sage will have to do.





Arrival dinner time - public parking garage at the Hard Rock Cafe complex. We parked in section orange, which I only know because of Paul Blaart Motorized Mall Cop who quizzed us upon exiting the parking complex. He asked us where we were going before we even had the car doors locked...in hindsight, he was a little odd.

"You're going the wrong way. Hop on." Those words will go down in infamy some day, I know it! Tonight was not the night for that though. Tonight two hefty girls hopped on the backwards facing golf cart seat, putting a strain on the shocks and minature horse power and zipped along the parking garage to our underground stairwell. It was walkable, but who can really say no to motorized mall security. Not me. Not me.

As we bid our security farewell and began our ascent up into San Juan Capistrano, the greeting of a thousand tree dwelling birds rang in our ears, second only to the mass quantity of bird shit covering the stairwell, steps, and handrails. "We're gonna get shit on ," I declared as if it were one of the commandments itself.

Of course what would a big city be without a wayward transient citizen milling about the only open dining establishment on the block? Not a big city, that's what. Just then as a waft of urine and booze hit us, our neighborhood hobo frustrated with the garbage selection, threw a glass bottle back into the can which was just as effective as shooting the birds out of the tree with a pellet gun. Two words = shit storm. Somehow in the chaos, I managed to avoid the white rain falling down from the sky, but my dinner date was not as lucky.

"Lauren!"
"What?"
Angry with disgust and disbelief she demanded to know..."is. there. shit. in. my. hair?"
"Uhhh...(stifle), no, just a bit of a streak right there on your sweater."
"I knew I was going to get shit on today."

(long pause) "So then I'm guessing you don't want to sit outside on the patio then?"

Today was more fun than a circus.

Life is a highway

Yesterday was a fabulous day! Not to be undone by the backwoods Deliverace tour of the Santa Rosa Hills and Bennett Valley or the 6-hour-side-of-the-2-lane-highway occupation somewhere in Napa and Marin counties, I started my afternoon in St. Helena in the drizziling grey afternoon and ended atop the 11-story Macy's in Union Square on a beautiful mid 60's breezeless night. It was literally a jump in the car and go! kind of day. I haven't really had a day that was free of an agenda in a long time. I feel like I'm always on a deadline to get somewhere. Oh, wait, I am.

My navigator and good friend, Kelly, kept me company all along the way, sang with me, talked a mess about the fool-acting people we both know, caught me up on her life, listened to my rants and raves, and just shared a great adventure with me. Blindly following my trusty GPS along the highways and backroads of Northern California proved to be an beautiful, unseen adventure that has literally been just in my backyard all this time. Somewhere on the way to visit my Aunt at Casa Whitaker atop the Santa Rosa Hills, we followed the purple line of my Garmin Nuvi and ended up smack dab in the middle of the mother of all closed road detours. About 15 hair-pin twisted miles prior to that point, we found ourselves on a 1-lane bridge in the misty fog covered trees. You don't have to be an avid sci-fi movie fan to appreciate the beauty and mysticalness (yeah, I don't think that's a word either) of blakets of fog. It's really a beautiful thing.




Looking up through the sunroof at the canopy of trees.

Even though I struggled to keep my eyes open on the drive home, I was really happy with my carefree, adventurous day. It was good for my psyche and my soul. I think I could use more of those. I'll have to put those up near the top of my agenda from here on out. "Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long...yeah, yeah, yeah."

Scenes from my weekend

Cake a la Angela Stefenoni, baker extrodinare and auto mechanic. Women with amazing and diverse talents have a little piece of my heart. I admire them even when it comes in the form of diet-sabotaging bakery items. The sweet things that come out of her kitchen might as well have the tag line from Field of Dreams...If she bakes it, they will come.




I carried my camera in my purse with me all weekend (PS, it's a heavy camera!); to work on Saturday and to the Superbowl party on Sunday. It was a semi-good weekend.

Saturday: The dark cloud that looms over my head whenever I go to work is starting to lift. While I'm gaining my attitude back, I've come to realize that I've let some of my skills slip and slide through the cracks and I'm not OK with that. I heard one of the Lieutenants say something in briefing the other day and it stuck in my head.

"Do your best work and be proud of it."

Simple and to the point. I used to actually tell my trainees that but I've forgotten to abide by it myself. Through various circumstances, situations, and co-workers, I've lost my faith in what I do. Luckily, faith can be renewed. I used to say that I was a good dispatcher because I cared to be the one they knew could be counted on and I knew that I could be the best at what I do. Working on the wrong side of the week, I got lost in the sea of mediocrity and not giving a damn and slowly I abandoned my Be-The-Best-You-Can-Be Ship. It's time I threw myself my own lifesaver and quit sniveling. There's no crying in dispatch.


The latest addition to my locker wall of good tidings courtesy of Tiny Beckster. It applies to many things in my life.

In the hallway that leads to the break room, we have a virtual gallery of pictures, snapshots, quotes, and comics. I'd have to say that it's probably my favorite part of the police department. Everyonce in a while, I get a present on my locker from one of my co-workers who is still on "the ship" with me (see above). One of the best compliments I've received, was in that form, unsuspectingly taped to my locker one day.


Sunday: The other part of my weekend was just ok. I've been to a work Superbowl party for years now...I haven't missed one since we started throwing them - it's tradition. Why break tradition I say? It's usually a variant of the same crowd with the few strongholds - one of which I am - same place, same time, but this year it was altogether a different vibe. I know it was a combination of a) I wasn't shit faced drunk and b) I've developed a low bitch tolerance in recent years.

Sidenote: since this is just about the first year I haven't been shit faced drunk at one of these parties, I actually watched the game of football. Usually I'm involved in the bottom of a pint glass, drunken barrage of picture taking shenaniganery, or trying to figure out why so-and-so feels the need to be doing whatever we're calling "it" now with other so-and-so in front of all their co-workers. Back to the game - not that I don't have an appreciation for sports, but this game was really great. It made me think of what it must have been like to watch the gladiators in the Roman Times. There are some friggin' brutes barreling into each other. Like President Obama said...there's nothing more American than a game of football! The best reaction by far was the screaming, shouting, running, jumping, whooping, hollering, hi-fiving, beer bottle clinnking, table dancing, and general kindergarten pandemoniom eminating from full grown adult men as the Ravens scored their last touchdown for the game.

Sometimes I feel like I have a lot of friendships come and go, but then I realize that the ones that go are the ones that probably were never meant to be in the first place. I can't stand liars, fakes, and women who will do anything and sacrifice good friends for a little bit of attention = low-bitch tolerance a.k.a. low-asshole tolerance. It doens't have to be gender specific.

Me and my BF Jen. She is the first mate on my Don't-Abaondon-Your-Career Ship. S.O.S.














My final thought for this blog is just a random thought and philosophy. Just before the 4th quarter, I ran across four lanes of traffic with the Ho Exterminator to get some sweets with some wanna-be Pimp money. There was one bag of Chocolate Chip cookies left and a little bit of diversity in the cupcake arena. We chose these for one main reason - since we knew that the drunk monkeys were going to be devouring them, we figured we might as well get the ones with the sprinkles so that at least it will look pretty when it comes back up later. That is truly a lesson learned from Superbowl parties past. Oh the memories...